I Ditched My Phone for a Week
It started with a dying battery.
My phone was aging and the battery wasn’t what it used to be. Being the “use it ‘till it dies” kind of person that I am, I didn’t do anything about it.
But then it died. While I was in middle of nowhere. And my phone refused to revive itself.
Not good.
Fast forward to the Apple store where I shoved aside my fear of entrusting my very life (or so it seemed) to a technician of unknown character as well as of going for a day without the little device that held my connectivity to the world. I foresaw it as being a great trial and, on the way home, assiduously mourned Google Maps.
Turns out, that day was relaxing. No dings. No taunting red circles indicating I needed to take care of something immediately. No fractured focus. It quickly became a pleasure to say, “sorry, I don’t have my phone.” I began to analyse my habits and how my phone impacted them, and that made me want to try going for an entire week sans phone.
It seemed audacious considering just how much of my life required an Internet connection: three part-time remote jobs, and most of my friends and family living far away. But audacious can be fun and I wanted the challenge. How would it go? Would it be hard? Would my FOMO torment me? What would I miss the most? Would I end up reappreciating my phone?
The experiment was on.
I notified all appropriate parties so no one would think I’d died and then prepared my phone. I turned off the notifications for everything and moved all apps to a second page so I couldn’t see them. I didn’t simply turn off my phone and shove it in a drawer because I recognise the concept of emergencies and needing to be reached for important stuff. Hence I kept the actual phone on so I could be called the old-fashioned way but hid everything else.
The clock struck midnight and the week commenced; I anticipated it being a long one.
I also anticipated that I’d feel out of the loop, disconnected, and even lonely.
Things don’t always go as one might anticipate though. Spoiler alert: I did not reappreciate my phone.
I learnt some things
And I was reminded of others. It’s hard to disrupt your daily routine and not notice how that disruption changes your habits and perceptions.
On a basic level, I went to bed earlier, worked harder and with better focus, and became unduly attached to my laptop.
On a deeper level, I rethought the purpose of the phone, what makes for effective communication, and how never-ending accessibility plays a role in anxiety.
Lesson #1:
The phone is just a tool for maintaining connection with people, so it should actually further that goal, not hinder it.
I’d relied heavily on my phone for connecting with people. It was how I kept in touch with most people in my life and stayed on top of most of the goings on related to my network. In fact, even with my family living in the same house, we tended to send each other messages instead of finding each other to talk face to face or else waiting until later. That meant an endless stream of messages all day from multiple apps (and three email accounts.)
What I hadn’t realised until I spent a week away was that the incessant communiqués inhibited my ability to effectively connect with people. With a phone, it’s possible to hold multiple conversations at once, which not only means your attention is not solely on one person but also that it’s as if your brain is in multiple places at once.
Research in neuroscience tells us that the brain doesn’t really do tasks simultaneously, as we thought (hoped) it might. In fact, we just switch tasks quickly. Each time we move from hearing music, to writing a text, or talking to someone, there is a stop/start process that goes on in the brain.
That start/stop/start process is rough on us. Rather than saving time, it costs time (even very small micro seconds). It’s less efficient, we make more mistakes, and over time, it can sap our energy.
Switching between apps and life and other apps and an email and music and folding laundry saps energy. A lot of energy. But when you’re used to doing it, you hardly notice it. It becomes a habitual drain that you come to think of as normal.
Until you stop, like I did.
During the week, my brain felt more engaged while also feeling less divided. In general, I was significantly more focused, no matter what I was doing, but when it came to communication — whether in person or online — that was more focused as well, which resulted in my connecting better with whomever I was talking to. Better connections meant better conversations which meant greater emotional satisfaction and more of that warm and fuzzy feeling you get when you bond with fellow humans.
Lesson #2:
The phone is a tool, period.
Something I did reappreciate about my phone was the convenience of utilitarian apps. Apps like the calculator, converter, flashlight, and other such handy helpers are useful to have in my proverbial pocket and all in a single gadget. But those apps are still tools just as the phone itself is nothing more than a tool.
Tool: a handheld device that aids in accomplishing a task
- Merriam Webster Dictionary
The phone is meant to help with a task. (Or ten.) It’s not meant to distract or soothe. The purpose isn’t to control your time, your energy, and your focus. You’re not supposed to vicariously live life within the blue glow of its screen. Allowing it to become more than a tool means nullifying it’s purpose. Tools are meant to free up time so you can put that time to meaningful things; they’re not meant to take you away from the very pursuits that they’re intended to push you towards.
Going without my phone was a reminder of how it’s merely a means to achieving something and what happens inside it isn’t the focus.
Lesson #3:
The anticipation of the flinch is exhausting.
At the beginning of the week, I noticed how I flinched at phone noises, thinking they were for me, but relaxed when I realised they couldn’t be. Knowing I couldn’t be receiving any dings meant something in me calmed down. There was no need to jump. I no longer anticipated tinkling summonses, and so I could ignore any and all digital sounds.
It was like a mental vacation.
Jumping to the sound of my phone is tiresome enough, but with the break, I noticed the anticipation is what really made me edgy. Anything could go off at any given time! I might have a new work email or a new family text! It’s like my internal coils were always pulled back so I’d be ready to spring at the notification. And that’s exhausting.
Lesson #4:
The quality of everything improves without the phone.
Just sending a quick text isn’t so quick when it’s multiplied by many times throughout the day. Cooking supper becomes considerably longer when responding to messages at the same time. Working becomes less efficient when interrupted to check every email that comes in.
Being forced to focus on whatever I was doing (without any anticipation of a flinch) meant the quality of that task went up. My mind was engaged and with the greater focus came greater satisfaction. It hits on what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi terms flow. He defines it as:
…being completely involved in an activity for its own sake. The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.
It’s a beautiful feeling and without my phone, I was able to access that kind of headspace far more often. The phone wasn’t tugging at my mind.
Lesson #5:
Digital communication is far inferior to non-digital communication.
Yes, it’s great to be able to think before you speak. It’s great being able to carefully write out what you mean to say. Emojis are a life saver when I can’t physically emote what I’m feeling on the inside. Plus I’m an introverted writer — I will always prefer to text than call. (Unless I love you very much.)
But even I was forced to come to terms with how much, much better talking is, especially in person. There’s so much more nuance. It’s so much faster. It’s far more effective at building and maintaining relationships.
Digital communication is meant for when real-life communication isn’t possible. It shouldn’t replace real-life communication if the latter is an option. Plus it cramps your thumb. Literally.
Lesson #6:
Wow, so much time.
You know it — engaging with your phone is thoroughly time consuming. Ditch the phone and watch how much time you free up that you can suddenly fill with all forms of lovely pursuits. Even if you think you aren’t on it often, you likely sink a lot more of your day into your phone than you realise.
Conclusion
Two and half years later, most of my notifications are still off and I don’t keep any apps on the home screen except the phone app. After the week was over, I had no interest in turning my phone back on. I’d forgotten it around the house, missing multiple calls; I’d shoved it into a drawer while working; and, in general, I’d enjoyed the mental peace I hadn’t been conscious of missing before.
For all my natural FOMO, I hadn’t missed my phone.
Instead I retrospectively missed the control of my attention and the peace of mind I’d relinquished to my phone without being aware of it.
While I keep my phone because I recognise its benefits as a tool (long road trips are only possible with Google Maps and Spotify), I think that doing without your phone for a bit can be a hugely valuable experience. It gives you an idea of your reliance level and how you relate to the people who inhabit the ether beyond the touchscreen. It’s like a detox without the headaches or meditation without the deep breathing.
Even if you don’t go as far as I did, you can take steps to limit your dependence on your phone and regain focus. Delete unnecessary apps. Mute unnecessary notifications. Put it face down while you’re working. Keep it away from the supper table. Use only one app at a time. There are so many ways you can cultivate a healthier relationship with your phone and by extension, all those around you, whether they inhabit your device or compete with it.
I ditched my phone for a week and so challenged and subsequently changed my relationship with my phone.
Do you want to change yours?
